Dear Anxiety

Listen to the spoken version

When you’re around  you’ll find me chewing on my feelings 'till they’ve lost all of their taste, like a gum that turns all stringy, when you enter the room all my colours fade to grey. You’ll find me spiralling and lonely 'cause like a fish stuck in a bowl,

my mind is running circles inside my own constructed walls. You’ve got me trapped and I have thrown away the key, it's like I’m punishing myself just for the fear of being me. I’m committing to a crime without a witness but myself, you’re like a cape that hugs me from behind, but trips me with each step I take. Make me see thorns instead of roses, I feel heat instead of warmth, I leave no space for letting go, instead I hold on so tight that I’m left waiting in an endless row. And I keep on thinking, keep on waiting, and then thinking once again,

I’m fighting, screaming, crying, I’m just doing all I can. You left me with a thousand thoughts in a hallway without doors, no dimension for improvement, just the ceiling and the floor.

So adrenaline shoots through me as I'm chewing on my cheeks,

my chest gets tight, my heart starts jumping

and once again I press repeat.

It's like a never ending cycle, I push myself, say "it’s just 10 meters more",

and in those moments it feels like, I will be free of you no more.

Hello anxiety, how are you? My dear friend and biggest pain.

I want to ask you just today: Wouldn't you like to go away? Wouldn't you like for us to breathe, just for a moment, just this once? I feel like both of us would benefit if we could break this symbiotic bond.

I know that in the end what you do is worry far too much for me.

You mean well and think by holding on so tight,

that in the end you’ll help me see.

But trust me when I say, "I can take care of myself."

Thanks for showing up and pointing out where I was awful to my, no, OUR body,

And  made decisions against how we really felt. I overstepped our boundaries, thank you for lending me your help, Thank you for speaking for our body and showing us the way.

Because if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have known that we were headed to a wall. But now that you've delivered our hearts message, I think it's time for you to go. I promise I will hold it closer to our heart.

I have learned and I have listened but now it's time and we must part. Let me make the right choices now that I know which one it is -

 I will do it with confidence and I will do it in OUR bliss. So thank you anxiety. Thank you for holding up a shield, for making me look into the mirror, for leading us out into this field. But now it has to be me that will guide myself back home, left for us is just goodbye, you’ve got to trust that I can

do this on my own.